The Perils of Penelope


A funny story for you guys from the home office: The Perils of Penelope
September 26, 2001

Hi you guys,
Well, a sort of funny thing happened at the home offices of Small Paws®
Rescue, tonight.
One of our adoptive moms has been getting ready to adopt one of our
little female puppies. You see, we save the puppies for people who are
grieving and this very nice, loving Bichon Mom fit into that category.
She was going to adopt one of our little female puppy rescue puppies
named "Penelope."(Pen-NELL-o-pee)
Penelope was supposed to fly home last Friday but her new Mom had that
"need to stick close to the house" flu so we put it off until today.
This morning, bright and early, I waltzed into the vet's office and picked up precious little Penelope, an 11 week
old little baby girl! She was freshly bathed and smelled like
vanilla. I snuggled her told her about her new Mama and new Bichon Big
brother and put her into her little crate. Off to the airport we went.
This afternoon I got the ecstatic call that Penelope had arrived and her
new Mama was just in love with her! She said that Penelope arrived fresh and
clean and wagging her tail like the plane ride did not affect her at all. I
told her that we hear this all of the time about the plane rides and how
glad we are that Penelope has a new Mama and Big Bichon brother to lover her.
All was well.
All was well... until the phone rang this evening. It was Penelope's new
Mama. She said, "Robin, we have a little problem...Penelope has a penis."
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!", I screamed in the key of high C.
"Penelope has a WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???!!!!"
She repeated herself, slowly and precisely, "Penelope has a penis...I
think I got the wrong puppy. This is a male puppy."
Now Dale heard the commotion and came down from his office upstairs just
in time to hear me scream..."NOOOOOO! Penelope can NOT have a penis!! Go look
again!"
This man I love just kept right on going...down the stairs, through the
living room, and right out the French doors towards the fish pond. I heard
him mumble that he "didn't know if he EVEN wanted to know"....
One of my worst fears was coming true right before my eyes. Not that a
puppy would magically change sexes at 30,000 feet, but that I would one day
send the wrong dog to a person. Horrors.
I explained to Penelope's new Mom, while GASPING in hysterics that I must
have picked the wrong puppy up from the vet's office this morning. I must
have picked up "B.J.", a little male who is waiting to go to his new home in
Mass, soon by mistake! Oh man... I was apologizing all over myself, and I
all could think of was her sweet voice telling me that...oh my
Lord.."Penelope has a penis"...
I told her not to worry...I was going to fix this. I asked her to hold on
and I would try to see what happened. In my heart, I KNEW what happened. I
SHIPPED THE WRONG DOGGIE!
Egads!!! Well, it was now 7:00 P.M. and I took a chance that someone was
working late and called the back number to the vet's. As luck would
have it, the vet himself answered the phone.
He said, "Hello"..I said, "Oh my Lord! Penelope has a
PENIS!".
He said, "Excuse me?"...
I got my breath, and wailed on, "Penelope! I shipped her today! She has a
penis..her Mother just called and told me so! She..I mean he..IT HAS A PENIS!
I shipped the wrong puppy!
He told me to hold on while he went to see who all was still there.
Process of elimination you see.
I waited and soon he came back. Now you have to know, this vet is
about the most conscientious vet I have ever met. They have successfully
vetted hundreds of rescues for us there and have never before sent out the
wrong dog .
He told me we had two puppies still there. A male, named "B.J."..(This was
good..a male named B.J. is good. B.J is ours. This is good.)....then he told
me we have another female puppy there, "Tammy Faye" (named for her dark halos
that look like eye liner)...Yes..this is good Tammy Faye is one of ours..and
she is placed and going home soon. This is good..WAIT! AACK!
If everyone is there who is supposed to be..and that is ALL who is
there..WHERE IS PENELOPE AND WHO IS THIS MALE IMPOSTER?! AACK! Penelope is
M.I.A.! "Don't worry!" I told him, "We will find her! No one is allowed to
disappear or croak on my watch! "
The vet told me he would investigate this on his end, and asked me
to do the same.
I called my assistant, in a panic...One ringey dingey...two ringey
dingeys...NO ANSWER. Oh man..I would have to leave a message. You guessed it.
"PENELOPE HAS A PENIS.. I SENT THE WRONG PUPPY! Who is this male puppy I
sent...did I loose track of one? Call me! Penelope is M.I.A.!"
You see when you are an animal rescuer body parts are body parts. You
don't think anything about any particular parts being any more embarrassing
than any other parts. I wasn't giving another thought to screaming at the top
of my lungs.."OH MY LORD! Penelope has a...well..you know.
Next, I sent out an urgent e-mail to our Executive Assistant and to Lynda our
transportation secretary ..it said,"Emergency: (I was getting to be a pro by
now at saying these words)...."Penelope has a penis. I sent the wrong puppy!
Help!"
Well, I was feeling terribly helpless so I called the adoptive Mom back
to assure her I was on this problem and it would be fixed to her satisfaction.
Still in disbelief... I asked her to turn Penelope over, and describe
EXACTLY to me, what she saw.
She did this and said, "Ok...here it is..between his back legs..at the
VERY VERY back, at the bottom......a penis."
I said, "At the very very back???? At the bottom??"
"Yes, the very very back...at the bottom"
I asked her to look a the tummy. Was it smooth..were there any..uh
er.."bumps" or anything?
Nope, tummy is smooth. No bumps.
Now you know...some people don't have much experience with puppies.
Most normal people don't spend their lives, looking between dog's legs, so
they will know whether to name them "Walter" or "Walter Sue." Some people get
to go through their whole lives not having to inspect the privates of every
canine they encounter. This was such a soul.
I asked her to inspect the adult male Bichon she already had. I asked her
if things were different than on the puppy. She told me that they were, but
she thought, since this was just a baby...maybe things would sort of move
upwards with age?
I had now determined that Penelope was back to being a little girl puppy
again, and I asked the adoptive Mom, how she "knew" this was a penis that she
saw. She said,"Well, my HUSBAND told me it was a penis...wouldn't he know?" Are you saying that Penelope has a VOLVO???
Now.....how, exactly does one answer a question like that?
By now, she was laughing, I was laughing, and she was telling me how EMBARRASSED she was and
how GLAD she was that Penelope did NOT have a penis. That made two of us. Now
SHE had to explain this to her husband...the one who started this mess.
HAHA!!!
After hanging up...I KNEW I had to call the vet and let him know what
had happened. I called him at home, and he said,"Hello", and I said,
"Penelope does NOT have a penis!!" And I explained the whole story. We both
laughed out loud!:)
Then I thought...oh my goodness....LYNDA..so I called Lynda first, and
Lynda had NOT read her email yet. She had no idea about any of this and she
answered the phone. She said,"Hello"... I excitedly told her the
news.."Penelope does NOT Have a penis!!"....Lynda said, "Excuse me"?? She
almost hung up on me thinking I was an obscene caller I think.
Well you can imagine the cackles that went on after I told her the story.
Our assistant called on my cell phone, so I had the cell phone and the other phone
up to both ears, while us three gals were just HOWLING...HOWLING, I tell you.
Dale felt it was now safe enough to come back inside, and as I was
explaining what happened..I heard him starting to gasp...he was trying to hide
the laugh..,but it wasn't working. The laugh was out in the open now. He said
"How??..How??..Oh never mind!"
The good news is..Penelope has a wonderful home, with a wonderful Mom who
is a good sport, who was embarrassed but was able to laugh about it later.
The bad news is..the vet, thinking one of his staff, sent the wrong
puppy home with me, wrote in BIG RED MAGIC MARKER...on one of his boards in
the back "TO THE MORNING CREW: PENELOPE HAS A PENIS. WOULD ANYONE CARE TO
EXPLAIN THIS???"
I would like to be a fly on the wall in the morning. 'Night, you
guys.Love, Robin
P.S. This is the only puppy I know with her own Volvo and she can't even drive.